For the past year, I have been on a journey of exploring my inner world in an attempt to desperately gain an understanding and awareness of myself. In doing so I have come to understand why many of us behave the way we do. I have come to a conclusion: all of our needs, wants, and fears stem from our childhood. Pretty scary isn't it? People will think that little disappointments from their childhood don’t affect them when subconsciously it could be the driving force behind their entire life. We try to overcome or solve the problems from our childhood by repeating the situation over and over again in an attempt to master it. If something as small as getting rejected by classmates influence a whole life can one imagine what not having a father would do? There is this book called Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women by Jonetta Rose Barras and in it she discusses the five types of women that are the procreation of fatherlessness.
1. The un factor:
This factor is a feeling of being unlovable and unworthy. She constantly involves herself in relationships and situations that perpetuate this feeling she has for herself. She may get involved in an impossible relationship but try very hard to make it work. When it eventually ends in rejection and disappointment, it validates her unworthiness.
2. Triple fear factor:
This is the fear of rejection, abandonment, and commitment. Our first relationship is with our fathers and by there being a lack of commitment in that first relationship, it makes these women truly fearful of commitment. They are involved in relationships that offer no real chance of commitment. The relationship again ends in rejection and abandonment further perpetuating their fear.
3. Sexual healing factor:
This is the most widely known "daddy issue". The promiscuous girl. This factor ranges from promiscuity to total abstinence as well. The common factor between being promiscuous and abstinent is the lack of true intimacy. This woman fears loss so avoids intimacy at all costs. She cannot control the loss that comes with intimacy so she controls her sex life. This also commonly leads to women having children in an attempt to fill a void.
4. Over factor:
This is characterized by overreacting, overachieving, over doing something to the point of addiction. It can also be a trick and pony show in an attempt to tell her father you’ll be sorry that you didn't want me.
5. RAD factor: Rage. Anger. Depression
Rage is anger directed outwards in either a positive way with a determination to achieve or directed in a negative way such as violence and destruction. Anger directed inwards is depression.
|Vanessa Simmons and her sister has always maintained a respectful image in the public eye. They are close with their father. Run DMC|
Many women struggle with the absence of their father physically, emotionally, or both. Hopefully if you see yourself in one of these types you will come to see what is going on and talk to someone about it so that you can heal. Men be fathers to your daughters, it truly makes a world of difference.